I’ve talked about emotional intelligence on LinkedIn before, and it seemed to strike a chord with people. That didn’t surprise me entirely, but it did make me think it was worth taking a deeper dive!
I mentioned in a post last month that I had recently read about a survey where employees were asked what trait they most appreciated in leaders they respected. The answer wasn’t what you might expect, like intelligence, decisiveness, or strategic expertise.
It was approachability.
That answer stuck with me because in many business environments, especially highly technical ones like compliance and regulatory industries, approachability and other emotional intelligence traits don’t always get the attention it deserves. We tend to put a premium on knowledge, credentials, expertise, and the ability to make strong decisions under pressure.
Now, all of those things matter; I’m not suggesting otherwise.
But if people are afraid to bring you bad news, ask questions, challenge your thinking, or admit they don’t understand something, all that brilliance starts getting expensive.
At that point, you may still be the smartest person in the room, but unfortunately, you’re also the last person anyone wants to talk to. That’s not a great leadership strategy…
Emotional Intelligence in Technical Environments
Emotional intelligence doesn’t always get top billing in technical environments. It can sound like one of those soft-skill phrases that gets mentioned in leadership training and then quietly abandoned as soon as someone opens a spreadsheet.
But I’ve found it matters a lot. Technical knowledge may get you into the room, but emotional intelligence helps you stay useful once you’re there. It helps you listen before reacting, or notice when someone is hesitant to speak. It helps you recognize when your own tone, pace, or intensity might be shutting people down.
(That last one can be particularly uncomfortable, because most of us like to believe we’re perfectly reasonable at all times. Trust me, I’d like to believe that too!)
Emotional intelligence helps you see yourself more clearly. It also prevents our strong feelings, when we’re passionate about a project or a challenge, from taking over and leading us down an ineffective path.
Approachability Isn’t Soft
Sometimes people hear “approachable” and think it means being overly casual, avoiding conflict, or lowering standards. But approachability isn’t about being soft, it’s about being safe to talk to.
An approachable leader can still have high expectations. They can still challenge people and make hard calls. But their coworkers also know they can walk into the conversation without being embarrassed, dismissed, or attacked.
In regulated industries where details matter and the stakes can be high, leaders need accurate information early. They need people to speak up when something doesn’t look right and say, “I don’t think we’re interpreting this correctly,” or “I’m not sure this process is working the way we think it is.”
If your team doesn’t believe they can say those things to you, you’re leading with a lot less visibility than you think!
It’s a little like driving with the check engine light covered in tape. You may feel better for a while, but the problem didn’t go away (trust me).
Passion vs. Emotion
Does this sound familiar? You’re sitting in a meeting when someone starts getting worked up. And their excuse is: “well, I’m really passionate about this!”
And maybe they are, but passion and emotion aren’t the same thing. Passion can sharpen your focus. Emotion can cloud it.
Passion says, “This matters, so let’s think clearly about it.”
Emotion says, “This matters, so I need to win this conversation immediately, preferably with dramatic emphasis.”
When unchecked emotion takes over, logic and reason usually start backing slowly toward the exit. People stop listening carefully and instead start defending their position. They interpret disagreement as opposition, so the conversation becomes less about solving the problem and more about protecting the ego.
That doesn’t help anyone, and it also doesn’t lead to better decisions. It just makes the meeting longer, louder, and somehow more exhausting for everyone who made the mistake of attending.
When You’re Feeling Emotional, Take a Break
One of the simplest pieces of advice I can give is this: if you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a break. You’re probably not thinking as clearly as you think you are.
That doesn’t mean your concern isn’t valid or that your perspective doesn’t matter. It means that if your emotional response is driving the conversation unchecked, you may not be in the best position to make a sound decision at that moment.
I’ve had to learn this myself over the years. It’s easy to believe that intensity equals commitment, and sometimes it does. But sometimes intensity just makes it harder for other people to engage with you honestly.
If the goal is to solve the problem, clarity matters more than force. And if you have to explain that you’re “just passionate” three times in the same conversation, it might be worth asking whether passion is still driving the car or emotion has grabbed the wheel.
The Balance
The best leaders I’ve worked with tend to have a strong balance of emotional intelligence: competence, passion, and approachability.
- Competence gives people confidence in your judgment.
- Passion shows people that the work matters.
- Approachability makes it possible for others to engage with you honestly.
If any one of those gets out of balance, leadership becomes harder. So be passionate enough to care deeply, but disciplined enough to stay clear-headed. Be knowledgeable enough to guide others, but approachable enough that they’ll actually come to you. And be confident enough to lead, but humble enough to listen.
Because at the end of the day, leadership isn’t just about having the right answer. It’s about creating the conditions where the right answer can actually surface.
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