In both personal and professional life, we’re often faced with situations where people have assumptions or misconceptions about us, our personalities, or our roles. These assumptions can be based on prejudice, bias, or just a lack of understanding.
It’s easy to get frustrated or defensive when these misconceptions arise, but there’s a far more powerful approach than trying to convince people they’re wrong.
Instead of focusing on disproving what they think of you, show them who you really are through your actions and behavior.
This idea became crystal clear to me years ago during a road trip with three of my friends, all of whom are of different races than me. As we made our way back from a golf trip, we stopped in a small town just off the highway to grab some ice cream.
What happened next is something that has stayed with me ever since.
As we walked up to the ice cream shop, we experienced blatant racism. Derogatory remarks came from a car on the road, and when we reached the counter, the server saw us coming and simply walked away. We were met with hostility and discomfort, yet my friends took it in stride.
When we got back to the car, I was upset and asked my friends how they dealt with this kind of thing regularly. One of them looked at me calmly and said, “People are going to think certain things about me. I can’t control that. What I can do is behave in a way that doesn’t validate the story they’ve mistakenly told themselves about me.”
That stuck with me. Rather than trying to change the minds of others or fight against the narrative they had created, my friend focused on disproving it through action, by simply living out his values and not validating their prejudice. He wasn’t going to play into the story they had created about him.
This experience has stuck with me and resonates in all areas of life, especially in business. I’ve seen this firsthand when it comes to the assumptions some people have about quality and regulatory professionals. Often, when we walk into the room, there’s an assumption that we’re going to be there to cause problems, ask tough questions, or impose unnecessary burdens.
I’ve realized that, if I’m not aware of these biases, I could accidentally validate these false narratives through my actions or demeanor, even if that’s not my intention.
The same principle applies to all of us, regardless of our role. We can’t always control the assumptions people make about us, but we can control how we behave in response. If we act in ways that contradict those assumptions – in other words, if we show, through our actions, that we are fair, reasonable, and collaborative, then we can dispel the bias before it can take hold.
The key is awareness.
If you recognize that people may have an errant story or unfair bias about you, don’t think the only options are to fight it head-on or quietly accept it. Instead, actively behave in a way that disproves it. In the business world, that means showing up as an ally, a partner, and a problem-solver—someone who listens, engages, and builds trust, even when people’s first impression may be that you’re there to make things difficult.
Think about the stories people might be telling themselves about you and your role.
What assumptions are they making?
And how can you adjust your behavior to make sure they don’t hold onto those false narratives?
You don’t have to change their mind directly; you just have to show them a different story through your actions.
You might also want to recognize what you’re unintentionally signaling that could be reinforcing their biases. It’s easy to fall into habits that may give off the wrong impression. Are you inadvertently creating an atmosphere of tension or defensiveness? Are you approaching conversations with a mindset that suggests resistance or inflexibility? If so, it might be time to rethink your approach to break down those barriers and encourage better communication.
By making the choice to lead by example, we create an environment where people feel seen, respected, and understood. It’s not about proving others wrong, but about proving that we are capable of more than what people might think.
In the end, no one can change the prejudices that people bring to our initial interactions, but we can certainly control how we respond to them.
And by doing so, we have the opportunity to change the narrative and build better connections along the way.
So, next time you walk into a room and you know people might have preconceived notions about you or your role, take a moment to consider how you’re going to challenge those assumptions with your actions.
Your leadership and ability to engage will speak volumes.
And if you’re looking for ways to combat your own biases and how to manage them effectively, check out my blog Being Aware of Bias – Part 1 and Part 2.